It’s my senior year. Three entire years have flown by and I will never be able to get them back. I feel so lost. I feel like by now, I should know who I am, what I want, what I want to do with my life. But I don’t.
I lost the love of my life. I have seven months left before graduation. I am broke. I am in a substantial amount of debt. And I’m scared. I’m scared that no one else will love me. That I won’t figure out what I want to do by the time I graduate. That I won’t be able to support myself financially. That I won’t be able to pay off my loans.
I’m not ready for the real world.
I guess I can’t complain though. My first two years of college were fun but were not memorable. Yes, I spent those years with the love of my life and I was so happy with him (for the most part), but now that I am involved in a sorority and I actually go out I have become someone completely different than I was two years ago.
I’ve lost respect for myself and am angry at myself for not being responsible when it comes to money. But I am 21 years old. I have to make mistakes to grow, right? I can’t use that to justify my excessive spending though. I’ve got to start budgeting and preparing for having to support myself financially.
I’m not ready for the real world.
I always thought that I would be engaged by the point of my life; planning a wedding to marry my best friend. But I am alone and constantly throwing myself to anyone who seems interested and who wants to give me attention. It’s awful. I wake up every morning feeling sorry for myself because I am so insecure that I have a constant need of attention and affection. Is it so bad that I just want to take care of someone and be taken care of in return? I don’t want to face the world alone.
I’m not ready for the real world.
I’m not ready to be a grown up. I want to keep going out every Thursday night and party hopping on the weekends. I was too busy focusing on my relationship for the first two years of college that I only just started to enjoy the typical “college life”. I’m not ready for it to be over. And I’m definitely not ready for the real world.